Over the length and width of my 23 years, I’ve grasped,
witnessed, and experienced first-hand that double-standards can immensely (and
too often do) affect a person or group of people, despite their history,
gender, cultural makeup, social class, upbringing, etc.
What is particularly riveting about much of this is that
even within the confines of a distinct community - namely minority or
disenfranchised communities - these same double-standards that are almost
entirely imposed from external sources have managed to embed themselves into
the very foundations of said sects of people, which, in turn, are imparted to
the generations that come after, and so on. This creates a continuum of bias
and prejudice that may not have been present, had there been no influence
otherwise, and becomes increasingly challenging to reverse as the years pass.
It’s not arduous to understand, really; it’s more a pity
that it is permitted, ignored, or brazenly denied. (And you will see why in a
minute.)
In such cases, I am making direct reference to the LGBT+
community, specifically gay/bisexual men or MSM (men who have sex with men).
Those of you without much knowledge or personal acquaintance
with the community are likely to solely be exposed to the smiles and sunshine
of things: the media and other outlets strategically portray the community at
large to pride itself on acceptance and inclusivity of all who either identify
as LGBT+ or are merely “different.” And while there may lay a great deal of
empiricism behind the notion, there is still so much neglected that has yet to
be addressed within its own factions, ESPECIALLY when SEX is involved.
Here, we find that the dichotomous gender-roles derivative
of those that identify as cisgender and heterosexual are imbued unto most of us at such a
young age, gay and straight: blue is for boys, pink is for girls, etc. I’d be
willing to bet that over 99% of us are taught from vernal ages that boys can
and WILL be sexual beings, and that girls are prohibited from even a thought of
masturbation. As we grow into adolescents, the vast majority of us begin to
experiment, and we are directly AND subconsciously indoctrinated by sexist
traditions that only grow stronger and more pronounced as we age into
adulthood.
Allow me to explain.
A man that has sex with multiple women is a “ladies man”.
He’s “THE man.” He’s got “the touch,” is “blessed,” can “play the game” and “do
it right.” Conversely, a woman doing the same thing with multiple men is 10
times out of 10 branded, chastised, condemned, “nasty,” tarred-and-feathered, and
ultimately, “unsuitable” to make a wife/undesirable to settle down with in the
long run. You have to be from Mars to be nescient of what it is I am speaking.
*Haha*
Well, interestingly enough, these same double-standards hold
true to the vast majority of gay/bisexual men and MSM.
Allow me to break this down for you…
-ahem-
You see - for those of you that are unaware – in the gay
community, those that engage in sex are austerely divided into three primary
groups: tops (otherwise known as the assertive, inserting partner), bottoms
(the passive, receptive partner), and the versatiles, or rather, "vers" (those that are inclined
to, as they say, “flip-fuck”). There are variations of the sort that find homes
between the three mentioned, but the same double-standard can be applied
(though severity may vary).
Which leads me to my next point…
Men that classify themselves as tops that happen to get a
lot of ass action are typically idolized in the same manner that heterosexual
men are; if a top man mounts many-a-bottom, he is often viewed and regarded as
a “player,” a “suave, smooth-talker,” “man’s man” (which is a term that can be
interpreted in many dissimilar ways), etc. Presumably (and ignorantly), he is
typified as an athlete/jock, beer drinking, sports fanatic, car-obsessed piece
of man meat with a jaw and chin line with which he can sculpt rocks. And humorously
enough, many of these guys feel entitled to the same esteem as their
heterosexual counterparts so effortlessly are. (However, this viewpoint of the
aforementioned is shifting towards a more unfavorable outlook.)
Diametrically opposite him is the bottom (bottomus
receptivus as I myself have named us), or men that are welcoming to a partner’s phallus (or other objects
for stimulation). Those of us that categorize ourselves as bottoms are
frequently forced to walk on eggshells in terms of sex and any act thereof that
follows or leads to it. If you are a bottom that has the propensity to get – as
the saying goes – “dicked-down” by a sizeable (pun semi-intended) number of
tops and the like, immediately, you are labeled a SLUT. You’re “diseased” and
defamed. You’re “loosey goosey,” a “whore,” or more tastelessly “a hole”, “the
village bicycle”, etc. The judgment intensifies if you are a “size-queen” (much
to the similar judgment of women with the same preference). BUT unlike the same point of tops, it was and still is NEVER “in-style” or “cool” for a
bottom to be so unchaste. We are (ignorantly) assumed to be the dainty,
makeup-wearing, purse carrying, Madonna and Gaga fans of the community.
This almost goes without saying that personally, I feel
versatile men can get away with a little bit more than those of us that are
“total” tops or “total” bottoms. Much like the bisexuals of the LGBT+, not
much is discussed around the topic of versatility when it comes to sexual
“virtue,” as it is almost considered “that gray area.” And if it is, the
conversation manages to find its way back to the strict tops and bottoms of the
community. But that’s another story for another day.
Now, falling back to the gender-binary of sex that the heterosexist traditions have “gifted” us
gay men (tops and bottoms), can you now see the congruency of noxious double-standards
that have seeped their way into the minds of the LGBT+ community? Too many are impervious of the realities, as their only basis for comparison has been
heterosexual sexual intercourse.
What’s comical (and even a bit trivial) about all of this is
that WE ARE MALES. WE ALL HAVE PENISES (this is speaking strictly from a biological gay/bisexual male perspective; but I would presume transmen are not immune to these same rueful realities). There is NOTHING masculine about
putting your penis inside ANOTHER MAN’S ANUS. There is NOTHING feminine about
identifying as a male and HAVING A PENIS. The same discriminatory opinions and
“ideals” of the sexist traditions have been directly AND subconsciously
ingrained within the lot of our own opinions and ideals. By and large, we’re
really not “individuals” (as the self-proclaimed insistence goes), but
by-products of a community opposite ours that largely opposes us and our very
existence. Our mannerisms and conduct is
not dictated by who we are, our own intuition, and what WE FEEL IS RIGHT, but
by what the heteronormative “standard” deems acceptable. It’s profoundly
unfair, unjust, and inhibiting to us as LGBT+ people.
In closing, it’s going to be 2014. Can the LGBT+ community
really afford to continue promoting (whether intentionally or not) the same
prejudices that come from a group that still has the prowess and dexterity
to hinder us from obtaining the equality we desire and demand?
And if so, how can we expect the outside world to accept or
tolerate us, when we ourselves are out in social settings, in our heads, in the
privacy of our own homes harboring the same double-standards and hate against
EACH OTHER that comes from the very people we are pitted against?
Not much logic can be found here. I believe we are LONG OVERDUE
for a sexual revolution. It’s our turn and the time is NOW. The decision
is really all up to US.
Leave the blue and pink “rule” to straight people.
Happy New Year
Reki*
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