I must admit, I am no longer mused by the idea of "what if?" I'm no longer concerned with the prospects, now, of what could be if there were ever an opportunity.
But it's those moments when I catch you, and that little way you look at me, that keep me guessing in the very far nooks of my mind. The way those mesmerizing eyes of yours make direct contact with mine, if just for a split second, that causes me to deduce just what it would be like if, indeed, we were to, for just one night, throw it all out on the table (literally, if you wanted to as well.;) ).
There is still so much more that I could speak about, to you, of course. But the reality of it all is that this? —THIS is the way it is, the way it is MEANT to be. I don't wanna try to change it. What would it even be for??
Maybe I just got caught up in the idea that SOMEONE could, and in fact DOES love me. Perhaps I became spellbound by the promise of what others have always told me, when it came to gambling it all for that one person that can open up parts of you you never imagined existed. I don't really know what it was. But whatever it may have been, it's vanished, been sated. And whether or not you indubitably feel the way those around us claim you feel about me is almost immaterial.
Because there is nothing we can do about it. At all.
"I am in love with what we are, not what we should be. And I am, I am starstruck with every part of this whole story."
copyright 2011
