Fractured
Scattered
into fractured pieces
In and out
The room
grew and shrunk
Inhaled,
then swallowed me whole
The air
struggled to fill these lungs
And required
even more exertion to expel
My tongue
silenced
Though I
attempted to articulate
Hardly am I ever
at a loss
Dumbstruck
Scattered
into fractured pieces
My body
overcome by kinetic
Frenetic
And frantic
energy
Feeling as
though surely I’d rip at my seams
In every
direction
And my brain
possessed by the urgent desire to sleep
Somewhere
in-between it all
I did
But like a
comatose
My mind and
senses still active and conscious
As my body
Idly rested
Willed or
not
And
internally
Scattered
into fractured pieces
Where was I?
And where
did I go?
You phone me
She texts me
Dad tells me
I’m awake?
I’m here at
Robert’s on his couch
Spinning
gently
But I cannot
translate
Compute
What sounds
like nothing but noise on your end
Sure
I’ll be
waiting here when you arrive
Fractured
into scattered pieces
Composure
slightly finds its way to me
As I sit up
and begin to pray
Meditate
And focus
Explaining
to Liz my methods
Beliefs and
charms
And with the
slightest friction
These beads
crackle in unison
But I’m
scattered
Scattered
into fractured pieces
Nothing but
tears
And in the
pervasive, deafening silence
She calls for me…
You call my
name
That angelic
voice
“Eric…”
"...Mommy?"
The longest
split-second I’ve ever lived
Eternal
flash
As I look up
You are
there
In the
distance
And so very
close to me, the same
Mystifying
light surrounds you and is present in the background
Blinding
Positioned
over me
In that
split second
You were
facing me
But your
body ever-so-subtly to your left
Your posture
a bit inverted
Right then
Right there
You looked
me directly in the eyes
Directly to
my scattered, fractured soul
Your
expression neither that of peace
Nor that of
pain
Not a word
spoken
Though I
understood
Your message
Still so
pertinent
And current
You’re still
1600 miles away
Locked in a
battle
Like you’re
mid-point
Hanging in
the balance
But you
found your way to reach me
To find me
in scattered, fractured pieces
This eternal
moment in time
Lasting but
a heartbeat
Our
heartbeats
As one
And though I
questioned if it were over
Something
about the state you were in
Metaphysically
And the
emotions you conveyed
Connoted
your tangible existence
Persists, as
it has been
And once the
very second came to pass
“My final
good-byes” in a voice that was my own
But some
other young man’s
Simultaneously
sung in my head --
“WAIT!”
A ray of
light hits me again
Sheer FORCE
Like a
wrecking ball right to my chest
My vision
disabled
My lungs
robbed of oxygen
And the
torrent burst from these eyes
You vanish
My soul is
being tugged
Brutally
Unmercifully
tugged
Though my
body begins to contort
Implode
I’m set
ablaze
Prickled and
stabbed intrinsically
So intensely
Pain
siphoned to this heart of mine like being ravaged by a dagger
I can’t feel
my anterior
So
desensitized
But somehow
Relentless
anguish
External
trauma
Where is my
mouth?
My hands
like cement
My legs in a
frenzy
My heart and
pulse escalating
My entire
body on the verge of combustion
And as if
through another set of eyes I could see my own self on that couch
I cry out
for you
I shout for
you
And it hurt
me on every conceivable level
As Robert
and Liz sought control
Reassurance
For my
scattered, fractured pieces
And I just
broke…
You touched
me
You touched
me, Mommy
You got to
see Your Baby Boy
Projection
Ethereal
Astral
I met you in
another world
And you
still want me to help
To hold
To sing to
you
You touched
my soul, Mommy
You saw Your
Little Songbird’s inner force
You found my
essence, my life
Found your
way to me from where you are
Saw my
fractured, scattered pieces
And though I
made it back
As the music
next door crept its way through my being and moved right into me
Replaced my
violent convulses with rhythmic rolls
Restored me
And over two
hours lapsed over me
I made it
back here
And I can
still hear you
Can still
see you
I made it
back here
And I’m
coming now
I’m
answering you
I’m on my
way, Mommy
So hang in
there
I’m coming
to save all that I can
Because now
I feel you everywhere
And you’re
telling me it’s yet to be finished
Just one
more time
One last
colossal push
Find it in
you
To find
yourself underneath it all again
Though you
too
Are
scattered into fractured pieces
Everything
In this
world to me
