Hollywood
My, what a first couple of weeks it's been
But this journey
I am enjoying every minute of it
Good and bad
Because I'm so ready
Grown
And mature
I look forward to all the lessons that reside here
And all the dreams breathed into life
Simply waiting to come true
Beacuse I'm lacking nothing
This entire city
This dear world
And this whole universe
Belong to me
All that is required of me
Is that I go forth and conquer
Do it with a smile
A wink
And a tiny seed of faith
That has grown into a beautiful tree
So sturdy
Strong
Unyielding
Lights
Camera
Action
Just Say It
I must have done something wrong
How upsetting
I was really looking forward to becoming friends with you
And laughing some more
Laughing a whole lot more
Upon meeting new people for the first time
I find more often than not
They formulate the wrong idea of me
And who I am
For whatever reason
It wouldn't bother me so much
If they were to remain strangers
And I suppose I have no choice
I haven't felt like this since I was a little boy
Feeling conditional
Conditional among the very few friends I've made
Feeling flimsy
Residing in that undesirable "grey area"
And the middle ground
With hardly an ounce of redemption at my beck and call
And so I'm stuck
It scares me
The prospect of trusting such people
Because I hardly have anyone else out here
At the moment
What a fool I still must be
For speaking my unfiltered, alcoholic thoughts
Excuse my immaturity
I don't know why I said it
But I know it shouldn't be dissected
And if it does
- Wait
It obviously has
At least muster up the manhood to ask me
Instead of shun me entirely
So I gave him a compliment
Yes, I said I thought you were hysterical
Not too rough on the eyes
Get over it
I could say the same about a dozen different guys
Girls, even
I can feel the shift
The variance in your energy
In terms of my character
So just say it
Tell me you're not sure what to think
At least it'll give me something to work with
Or maybe I should just let it go entirely
Because I know I can do it all on my own
It would just make it harder
Lonelier
But so be it
Why waste everyone's time
Lingering around where I am not wanted?
Just say it
Just say it
And I'll go...
Butterflies
I feel as though I should be just a tiny bit worried
By the simple notion
Fact
That in spite of what my mind is telling me
My heart directs my body to keep going
Searching for opportunity
And new places
Because I know I'm gonna find something
Regardless of if I trip over it
Or it "falls into my lap"
Because I'm working for it either way
And I feel so weightless
My heart beats so fast it flutters
I can't help but smile
And be thankful
Because I've never been happier
I'm slowly beginning to take off
DO
Sometimes all we really need
Is to let go of the fear
To quit over-thinking
And questioning
And simply do it
Even in this moment
I find that my thoughts
And emotions conflict
But my heart
Well
It just keeps beating
And for the same reasons it has been
For all these years
The ultimate leap of faith
An attempt
A story written
To really shoot for the stars
Aiming at the galaxies
Believing nonetheless
Because I know I can
And I will
So here I go
Unafraid to admit my occasional doubt
But strong enough
And BRAVE enough
To overcome it
And that is exactly what I'm doing
To Happen
Something
Is waiting
Here I go
Go Ahead & Try
So much to say
So much took place
So much
In almost no time at all
And my god how rough it all was
But we are TOUGH
Little dreamers
BIG believers
And nothing
No one
Can stop us
Me
Zacharias ≥ Heaven
There is nothing in this world
That I wouldn't do for you
Or that could separate us
Though distance and time appear to be larger than what we think
They are irrelevant to the beat of my heart
And how much I love you
And how this past week
Was the longest of my life
Though that would not stop me
I'd do it all over again
Because it would be with you
One more week
With you
Querido Uno (Otra Vez)
Over two years later and look where we are now...
Thank you
Blow the Whistle
I can feel it almost every single time I open my mouth
Just how much I hold back
When I sing
Fearful, almost
Of "being too loud"
Or too flawed
And imperfect
Very seldom do I grant myself the freedom
To push my limits
Though I attempt in my normal settings
Much is still calculated
And I am reluctant to do so
Due to the ears
And opinions
Of those behind
And on the other side of the wall
I look forward
To the day
That I can
And that I just lose myself in my voice
Entirely
Worries evaporate
Anxieties disintegrate
And I become
I evolve
Songbird
Let Go
I hate that I can't figure this out
And right now
Like it's all one HUGE paradox
I need to write
Say
Though my soul knows
There is nothing to articulate
But then again, there is
Though I shouldn't
I do
But I refrain
Perhaps it's all too complex to understand
Something I shouldn't even attempt
But I can't help it
And You know that
I just can't help myself
So I'll just ask You to help me out
And let go
Like I should
Like You told me
So here marks the end of my anxieties
Over nothing in particular
But so specific to my mind
And closer
And closer
Creeping up to my heart
Skeleton's Key
I feel blockaded from my own emotions
As if the mere reason I've been writing about nothing
And repeating myself
Is because I can't get through
I want to write something so raw
Stripped
Personal
That maybe by writing and writing
And writing
I'll eventually dig down
All the way down to the core
And get there
But I don't know why I'm stuck
Idle
Bored, even
And unamused
So help me out
And throw me a bone
If not the whole skeleton
Frustration
I told myself I'd go with the flow
But I revert to old habits
And fill voids
Where there should be meaning
With empty sexual advances
A temporary remedy
For what seems to be such a permanent problem
And even after all these years
I can't fix it
I can't fix me
And every single day
I just feel like I'm the only one
Like it's always been like that
And I guess that part of life
Is learning how to cope with
And adapt to situations
And in this case
I have too much work ahead of me
Perfect Science
Sometimes I wish you could just see me
And the way my mind screams
Obscenities
Profanities
Self-deprecating
Degrading myself over boys
And boys
And more boys
I find myself in seclusion
Physically within reach
But emotionally
Mentally disassociated
And somewhere else entirely
It's not that I don't love myself
It's that I'm not sure I know how to let another
Still find myself
Myself -
It's always about me, isn't it?
I don't even really know why
But I just keep going
And going
And going
And a day at the races
Is becoming a life of inconsistency
Perhaps the only constant
Normalcy
It's all that it's very abnormal
I'm aware
But unfazed
And why should I be?
It doesn't ever seem to change
No True Purpose (Perfect Circles)
I shouldn't write about you
Bring it up anymore
Because it serves no true purpose
And does me no good
If anything
If I just never heard from you again
I'd more than likely be better off
But I guess I like to hurt myself
Give myself false hope
Wishful thinking
And maybe I shouldn't be so wrapped up
Because I've known from the first "hello"
Just where this would all end
And it has
Not so much by fate
But by force
My force
And I can't go back
Because it wouldn't ever work
I haven't tried
But you probably won't let me
So that's it
I can't change it
Don't see any other way
Going in circles
And repeating myself
Writing about you
When it serves me no true purpose
copyright 2012
