Mer Boy

There isn't much I can think of in life that compares to the experience of being an effeminate male, in poise, disposition, and outward expression; Even in the 21st century. And while there have been many notable strides made in recent years to better our livelihoods in general, we seem to have only begun, are light years away from where we could be, have merely touched the tip of the iceberg.

But you gotta start somewhere, right?

Me? I am biologically male, meaning I was born male at birth. My gender (which would presumably be masculine, according to societal standards), however, is malleable and unfixed, in that from one day to the next, just based on the way I'm feeling, determines how it is I carry and convey myself. The term, for those of you who are not familiar, is gender fluid (OR gender variant, gender queer, whichever you prefer). So while I am biologically male, I identify mostly as feminine (though I also harbor many traditionally attributed masculine traits). And for me, perhaps ironically, this has been the most constant trait of my body, mind, and soul.

The thing about gender fluidity is that it, at least for myself, can encompass more than gender identity, which I'm sure sounds pretty perplexing if you're on the outside looking in. There are some instances where it's felt on more of a physical level (because gender is essentially what is in your head, whereas sex is what is between your legs). On more complex days, sometimes I don't even feel entirely male (remember: male describes biological sex, masculine describes gender identity). Sometimes I assume a more female identity. Other days I'm an admixture of both. And there are times I feel I'm neither. But for the most part, I'm a feminine man. And there are many variables that contribute to that feeling: certain environments, specific types of people and my interactions with them, so on and so forth, can really illicit my instinctual reactions to position myself as I see fit. And it really never fails. At least, not since I was about 24.

I love to joke that one of the best things about being me is that there are absolutely NO LIMITS to my fashion choices. My closet consists of wardrobe I've picked from all over LA and online belonging to their respective "designated" men/women sections. In fact, if you took a peak into my closet, you'd probably conjecture that a heterosexual couple shares the space, seeing as to how I have dresses and leggings, makeup and high heels, tennis shoes and T-shirts, men's button-ups and dress pants. And comically enough, I actually own more high heel shoes than I do anything else. haha It’s a challenge, learning how to always be yourself, I’ll agree. But conversely, it is also so rewarding and a whole lotta fun, if only you’d allow yourself that kind of freedom in which you deserve.

Which leads me to my last point. For anyone out there reading this who’s like me, have faith and trust me when I say: it is ALWAYS worth it. Always. I understand the fear and reluctance, growing up and being raised, more or less, in a society and home that would rather you were someone else. But as cliché as it may sound, at the end of it all, all you really have is you. All you have is you, and time stops for absolutely NO. ONE. Please remember that. If it’s any time to start living, it’s now. Because you don’t wanna wake up one day 50 years from now and finally "get it", hopelessly wishing that you could have done it over and done it better and done it differently. It’s hard, but it wasn’t meant to be any other way. Why fight it when you’re so beautiful?

Inward & outwardly,



Reki*