Poetry & Prose: Life From My Point of View at This Very Moment

fAME
Fame isn't everything
Though sometimes I think it is
It's far too easy to become addicted
And once you surrender, you'll always be in
The current is supernaturally rapid
To swim against it is a daunting task
And one that proves nearly impossible
It's easier to just do as you're asked
There is too much the public is not informed of
But much of it is right in front of their eyes
Subject matter worth so much attention
Much of which is subconscious and disguised
But look a little harder
Listen a little closer
Feel a little deeper
You'll find a myriad of 4-leaf clovers
Fame really isn't everything
Though sometimes I make it out to be
Because I knew what I was getting myself into
It really is what it seems
There are times I disassociate
Because there is a trauma with the acquisition
There's so much personal give and not enough personal take
The territory that comes with this position
Every single day consists of flashes and lights
Hoards of strangers with fanatic requests
Somehow, I do it all with a bright smile
When on the inside, I'm really a mess
It's hard to find someone to trust
They all have the same face but different names
Going through the motions of everyday existence
You've always been the spark to my flame
Fame isn't anything at all
Because love is such sheer force
Overcomes and conquers all
Especially regret and remorse
I thought I could win you over
But the spotlight had little to no appeal
You'd rather retain what is private
And I had sung to you about how it is I feel
To no avail, it wasn't enough
Such risk has left me in the dark
Won't you light another flame for me?
Provide my heart another spark?
Fame is nothing
All that time I believed it was
Placed so much emphasis on the surface
That it cracked, I fell through, ended up dichotomous
To most eyes, I have it all
But in reality, it's nothing when no one's there
Because it's you and it's always been you
In my thoughts, my words, in the air
And I just breathe deeply and slowly
Brace myself as my career travels faster
Passing so many transient strangers
And it doesn't really matter
Fame is all I have
The abundance and inanimate wealth
Because my fans and the world will always know who I am
Though I don't even know myself
For years now I've been much like a ship lost at sea
And that is why I now know fame never was, never has been, and never will be...

A Word of Advice
Keep your head up kid
It's all about how you play the game
And what you do with the cards you're dealt
And how to accept the person you became
I know the road gets tough and lonely
But keep faith that you'll make it through
Trials and tribulations help us learn and grow
And these lessons reinforce your life's value
You should never let life get the best of you
In fact, it should be the other way around
Because no matter what, it's all worth it in the end
Life isn't always a treacherous battleground
So take things for what they are
And ask questions when your heart cannot keep silent
Take action when you feel necessary
Be courageous, be bold, be confident
And keep your head up kid
Smile and move onward - press on and continue
Because nothing in life ever truly goes wrong
Only the way it's supposed to

All at Once
Disapproval
Coming from dissimilar sources
And I question
Why it is that ultimately
I disregard
As if I read the cautionary notices posted
And continue on
Run past the "wet floor" sign
Enter the yard with the fence sign reading "beware of dog"
Like none of it matters
And all that truly does
Is disproportionate to what it is
I am after
Though those words may never leave my lips
My eyes enjoy what they see
And my mind
Well
There are exponential directions it voluntarily and involuntarily wanders
And I do nothing but soak in it
All of the frivolous, explicit imagery
Encased within my head
And then it hits me
Almost all at once
DO NOT TRUST THAT SMILE

Angel's Flight
Why I constrain
And silence myself
When I should be speaking
And ever so loudly
I am not certain
Perhaps it is the sense of being blockaded
Withheld from my own creativity
And unable to focus
Though not completely
Because I'm so tough
And can make it through
Push
Hold on
And BULLDOZE though any impediment
And that's just me
Because I'm meant for this
And made for it
I'd love for you to allow me to demonstrate
And maybe even take you along for the ride
A trip
A nice little trip to the stars

Unfolding
Man
SO MUCH has been going on
Sometimes at lightning speeds
Other times painstakingly slow
But somehow
I like this more
I like this so much more
That I love it
And learning how to embrace
And the value of doing such
The quality
Of my beautiful life
And I'm on my way
Where I am
Still aware
Knowing where it is I'm going
Somehow
Someway
When it all is supposed to
I continue to surprise myself
Dream even bigger
Even more
And love...
Loving as if I have
And I feel it
I can feel it
I'm onto something

Retrospect
Rolling with the punches
I'm a rather dramatic entity
Life isn't quite the misadventure I've alluded to in recent thoughts
Though I am not entirely there just yet
I will
And embrace, I should
All that has been dealt
Because at some point
I'm going to look back on ALL of this
And thank God :)

Hallucinations 
I have such mixed feelings toward it all
Though I know I should simply drop it
And though I ask what it is I may have said
Or done
To deserve your disrespect
I suppose I truthfully do know
And even though I got it all wrong
If I'm right about one thing
YOU, SIR
Were never worth the words I spoke
And the time, energy, and thought
You were merely a mirage

Constraints
These constraints
These spleenful constraints
My, the effect they've had on me
My body
My mind, emotions
My spirit
And in the beginning
So unfazed
Oblivious
Two months later
Feeling like twisted eternity
In a state of flux
Making valiant efforts to stabilize
Knowing that it's really not as bad as it sounds
But feeling
Constrained
These constraints
So desperate to emancipate myself
Maybe I must practice more patience?
Focus my energy on the good
But that is so difficult to do
When you are free
But not as free as you want to be

Becoming Someone
All the lights
Edifices
This city gives me
Life
Conceived through thought
First and foremost
In the process of becoming
More and more
Through action
Because these words have been spoken
Sung, more so
Since the acquisition of speech
And memory
And here I am
Becoming someone

Almost 22 Years Later...
I've come to a conclusion
More viscous than entirely solid
That I know
Or have become acquainted with every human emotion
Known to the human mind
Happiness in abundance
Pain in multitudes
Everything else filling the black voids
The sky so blue
For reasons unresolved
Unanswered
Though I have the slightest clue
As to why
There is STILL one feeling I've yet to uncover
Discover
See
Face
To face
It begins with L
And ends with E
It's not "lube"
Because I know you can wash that away
And all the evidence
All of the nothing
Washing nothing away
But somehow feeling branded
Marked
Though not as severely as before
Intimidated by all the perfection
Seemingly
Or simply
Then I ask myself
How do I stand a chance?
Self-abasing
Though cognizant
And it gives me reason
And reason enough
SOLID justification
To not ever know
Or acquaint myself
With the single strongest
Human emotion known to the human mind
I've still yet to feel
Almost 22 years later...

Fisk
There's so much that's been happening
Busier than I've been in recent years
Constantly on the go
And so determined
To become
Much of the clutter detained in my head
Has but barely had the opportunity to speak itself
Because often times
My mouth's creation of words
Processed from these thoughts proceeding
Do not entirely correlate
Equate
And match
So I find myself in another one of these trances
Difficult to explain
But not entirely incapable
And pushing forward
Because these dreams
Belong in the backseat of a shiny black limo
And on stage
And my future
In the hands of none other than myself

Parentheses
I'm still figuring this all out
Figuring it all out for myself
Learning new things
Feeling new things
Revisiting older ones
Vague as it sounds to you
But so particular
In my account
And experiences
Because every time I see the skyline
(And the Hollywood Sign)
I feel like I can fly

Trust Me
I find myself moping again
Only this time
Silently
Longing for a companion of sorts
Lonesome
And obvious
I smile
Still
Convincingly or not
It's there
And although it's becoming harder to do
If anything
That should give me more of a reason to

Listo
Somehow
I can only see beyond this
Can feel
And envision
The worth
And all the smiles
The beauty
So prophetic
And these coming weeks
Pitch black
Unknown
But I face it
Head on
Ready for whatever the Angel throws at me
Because it's mine
This
Is mine
I trust that You're doing this for a reason
But rest assured
I ALWAYS GET WHAT I WANT
So try me >:)

A Question
Although I came unprepared
I have this urge to write
I am not certain as to what exactly I must speak on
And I seem to enter this mindset frequently
Lately
Maybe it is to keep my handwriting neat?
Or because I am restless?
Or perhaps it really has become similar
To eating
Drinking
Breathing
But more synonymous with living
Because I have yet to love
I suppose that time itself will hold the answer
I am pensive
Curious
Because of the imminence
Though I do not wait around
Sit
Rather
I'm out
And searching for new forms of life
I feel
New forms of laughter
New forms of learning
But still
Still missing
Love?



copyright 2012

11/11

It's like an implosion
Of gaseous, liquid, and solid
Thought
And restless emotions
It's simultaneous
And heralded
Unwelcome
Because it is so
And I find myself transfixed
Focused
On every single passing minute
Of the experience
Digressing into myself
With the voracious desire
To exhale
I cannot seem to filter
Halt the absorption
Of such an extraneous
And sometimes alien force
Sights and sounds
Smells and tastes
And yet, all I feel
Is the calamity encasing my brain
Digressing into myself
With the unyielding hunger
To exhale
Intermittently
You appear and disappear
From all the amorphous, racing ideation
And I lose all control
Cannot deter the speed
At which it all travels
And travels out into the universe it does
Yet, I am indifferent
Towards almost all of it
So long as it is no longer captive within the lot of my intrinsic being
I can digress into myself
And finally
Finally
Finally
Exhale



copyright 2012