Don't Make Me Laugh

I feel like I have so much to say
But no real way to say it
Nothing sensible
Important
Just a whole lot of emotions
And no way to sort them
Organize them
Rid myself of them
How is it that I manage to get so lost?
So lost in all of it?
Sometimes I feel the damage has long since settled
Past irreversible
Though I may not want to undo it
I just wish I knew how to speak
Speak of it
For me, no
For everyone else, most certainly
Because I know what I mean
And intend
Though others ask more questions than they get answers
Second nature fuses with the basic
And primary
And the end result
Is something I cannot efficiently express
The frustration builds
And like a child
I am a frenzy
Intrinsically
So fearful of exhibiting all my irrationalities
Accusations
Excuses
And shortcomings
Because I remind myself of them all the time
Coming from someone that matters
Could
Would be enough to do me in entirely
Why do you do it?
Why do you do that to me?
And why would your answer even possess merit?
Value?
Credibility?
When I become a completely different person
Every time we talk
This innocence
Ignorance, moreover
Is blinding
Deafening
Crippling
And I can't get past it
So fuck you and your games
Because I don't lose in life
And for you to think I'd start now
Provides me with a cheap laugh
So go on with yourself
Jester
Comedian
Funny guy
You're so damn funny, aren't you?



copyright 2012